In anticipation of feeling a bit wrecked after my infusion, and because it really sums up how I am feeling about leaving the house at this stage of the pandemic, I am adding a page I made right back at the beginning of my jumping back into art journaling after three or so years away.
It isn’t a page I am in love with, which is why I never really shared it. There are elements I like, like the stenciling in the wonky house. While tidying up I came across a printout of Dan99’s wonky house freebie. Time has not diminished my love of it. I cut it out and used it as a stencil to draw the outline and windows then used the cut outs to mask the background and do the stenciling.
I also like the crying girl stamp. I use her, and her two companion stamps (a lady crying in a chair and a small girl crying) often. She worked well in the window.
But overall, I felt like there was little cohesion to the page, It very much felt like a beginner’s effort, which is fine, but not where I felt I should be. And yet, there is nothing I would do NOW to change it. Maybe the chaos of the page matches the chaos of the world, and that is as it should be. At least on some pages, although perhaps not all LOL!
It’s a weird thing. When I made the page the vaccine seemed so far in the future as to be unattainable. Now it is here. But so are the new variants, and the uncertainty of the trajectory of this pandemic. There are still many questions about how the exit strategy will go – in a slightly wobbly line? a deep zig zag? a two-steps-forward-one-step-back? It’s a crap shoot.
I am glad I didn’t just gesso over the whole damn thing as soon as I finished it – and let me tell you it was a close run race. But it remains a snapshot in time, and a raw, honest depiction of the chaos in my head at the moment of creation. Here’s the thing. I don’t art journal to make pretty pages. Do I like it when my pages are pretty? Yeah, sure, who wouldn’t? But it is much more about getting my mental turmoil out of my head and…elsewhere. So pages like this? The un-pretty ones, the raw, slightly uncooked ones? the messy and chaotic ones? They are probably the most honest ones, cause when I made them I was just getting the chaos in my head OUT, tidying my mental desk, and filing stuff away, stamped PAID. And when that bill comes due again? Maybe my next page will be prettier. But I won’t care if it isn’t, ’cause it truly is the process, not the end product, that is healing.